Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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