The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
