god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
