Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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