What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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