Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are the jesus of drinking
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
