The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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