Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
