I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
where am i from again
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
