I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize