we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
