i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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