bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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