Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
