I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am midnight drunk by noon
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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