My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
