I seem to have left my pride at pride
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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