he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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