Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
