obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
