didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
