I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
