she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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