I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize