You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
