yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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