Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
