my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
