pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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