Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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