Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
tell me about the eggs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
