Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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