A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
did i just pee glitter
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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