I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
