i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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