Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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