my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
