Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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