I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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