you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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