I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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