if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was born a porn star she said
is wine microwaveable?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
