quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
