Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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