my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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