That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
