He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
