Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
