omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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