At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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