I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
