I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
