Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I deserve this hangover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
