wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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