Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
