he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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