I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
