He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want her autograph on my taint
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
