the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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