Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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