I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
