so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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