what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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