dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
