I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize