the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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