Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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