I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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