You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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