Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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