he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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