She is in my trunk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
