The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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