Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
