Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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